& then i am joy.

i think that at my core i am joy. laughter and sore cheeks. somewhere straining. yellow masquerading as blue. i hate being cold. but i prefer heat to a/c. i’m a morning person. sunsets feel like reminders of time i no longer have. i’m anxious. falling asleep is hard. i hate endings. maybe because i was born on the last day of november. the year was 1999. everything feels like a finale. even gen z sounds like a resolution i’m not ready for. i only know how to exist abruptly. meet contradiction personified. stop asking me how i’m from the south side of chicago & the suburbs. let me be ghetto bougie. flexible, yet rigid bitch. black light. introverted public figure. perhaps i am green. a weeping willow tree. tired of collecting my roots & having to plant them elsewhere. i’m becoming stable ground. maybe i’m the earth. & then i am joy.